Happy Birthday

It was my birthday a couple of days ago. As always I look forward to becoming a year older.

However, as I am definitely too old to go on a Club 18-30 holiday, it has resulted in family and close acquaintances passing comment on the use by date of my womb, etc.

Take for example a conversation I had with a male friend, who also happens to be going out with one of my closest friends/ cousins on the eve of my birthday.

It went along the lines of this:

“Akua, you realise you’re not getting any younger?”

“I know, I’m gonna be 31.”

“So I take it you’re gonna have a baby by your next birthday”

“I don’t have a man”

“Well you’ve got until September to find a man to get pregnagt with.  I mean aren’t you getting broody.”

Now when did this type of conversation become the norm in polite society. I spent my late teens being held up as an example to those whose children had had babies soon after their GCSEs.

My early 20s were all about university and the rest of my 20s were devoted to finding myself and establishing a career.  All the time ensuring that I made my parents proud.

Now I’m 31, and it seems that the past 11 years or so count for nothing. As supposedly a woman’s role in society is to get educated, have a career and then push out babies as a way of ensuring that she is keeping up with the Joneses.

This is not to say that I don’t want a family of my own.  Relatively speaking I’m sure its easy to get pregnant with any Tom, Dick or Harry.  However, I’d like to think that I will give any child of mine a chance of havinf a decent father.

Some may be of the opinion that the sole basis of my recent choices of men to date has been the sizzle factor.  However, I would think that the choice of father/ life partner/ husband should have more of a sound basis. For instance common values, honesty, trustworthiness and a sense of responsibility.

I do not want to end up as another statistic – a baby mother with a wasteman for a babydaddy.

To all concerned friends and families of women like me who have tried to be good throughout their formative years, and as a result don’t have kids…

Please don’t pass judgement. There could be a number of reasons for this, but it does not mean that we are fighting not to have kids.

Please don’t ask me why I don’t have kids.  This is a very personal question and you’ll be met by one of the following responses:

1. Still got time, that 66 year old woman is giving me hope
2. I’m not gonna have kids, I’m gonna have 20 cats

Don’t look at us with sympathy.  I know I’m cool with my current situation.

Freak Like Me

“What’s the freakiest thing you’ve ever done?”

One of the most loaded questions a guy can ask me.  I have often wondered what they really want to hear.  In addition, what is the definition of a freak.

My usual response is what you may consider freaky may actually be normal to others,  as I try to skirt around the issue.

Were I to respond by saying that I had participated in a number of threesomes.  Alternatively I could say that I had done it with the lights on.  Would either satisfy their curiosity or have them running scared?  During all the years of being active, this is a question I have raised many times with my inner consciousness.  I have walked the tightrope of trying to be as honest as I can be about myself without scaring a prospective partner off.  I’ve also attempted to turn the tables on the questioner to gauge a better understanding of where they are.  Time after time I am left with the response:

“don’t answer a question with a question”

Now this response is a cop out by the original questioner.

It has led me to ask myself why I’ve done certain things and have come to the conclusion that it is all  down to the sizzle factor you have with an individual as well as how much you may trust them.  In addition, it also depends on whether you want to settle down with the guy in question or just kick it for fun.

I would say to any guy though…don’t ask the question if you can’t answer it yourself.

The waiting game

I’ve been seeing this guy for a while…well four weeks or so, and unlike previous “relationships” I have decided to take it slowly. This is a alien concept for me as I am not one of those girls who never does it on a first date. But it is proving quite successful in actually determining how much he likes me.

He seems like a nice guy not sure if he is remotely Mr Right as he does not tick a lot of my boxes, e.g being a father. I am also trying to ascertain the truth from the bullshit. As I am trying to hear what he is not saying as well as what he is. I’m not ready to get into something too deep so soon after breaking up with the One as he broke my trust in a fundamental way but I am trying to make sure that this is not carried into anything new.

Well last night, or maybe this morning I decided to give him a little treat so that interest from his side could be maintained. Let’s just say that he was pleasantly surprised by my actions as I have the look of butter not melting in my mouth. Well it didn’t at first but eventually he was unable to contain himself. I’ve never had any complaints, in fact I would go as far as to say that oral is my specialist subject whether I am receiving or giving.

Let’s just say I am sure he’ll be coming back for seconds or maybe thirds. The question is will he be able to satisfy me in the same way?

An update on this post. He called me and it turns out that he doesn’t go down like that. WTF. I will get him to change his mind though as that’s not fair.