Happy Birthday

It was my birthday a couple of days ago. As always I look forward to becoming a year older.

However, as I am definitely too old to go on a Club 18-30 holiday, it has resulted in family and close acquaintances passing comment on the use by date of my womb, etc.

Take for example a conversation I had with a male friend, who also happens to be going out with one of my closest friends/ cousins on the eve of my birthday.

It went along the lines of this:

“Akua, you realise you’re not getting any younger?”

“I know, I’m gonna be 31.”

“So I take it you’re gonna have a baby by your next birthday”

“I don’t have a man”

“Well you’ve got until September to find a man to get pregnagt with.  I mean aren’t you getting broody.”

Now when did this type of conversation become the norm in polite society. I spent my late teens being held up as an example to those whose children had had babies soon after their GCSEs.

My early 20s were all about university and the rest of my 20s were devoted to finding myself and establishing a career.  All the time ensuring that I made my parents proud.

Now I’m 31, and it seems that the past 11 years or so count for nothing. As supposedly a woman’s role in society is to get educated, have a career and then push out babies as a way of ensuring that she is keeping up with the Joneses.

This is not to say that I don’t want a family of my own.  Relatively speaking I’m sure its easy to get pregnant with any Tom, Dick or Harry.  However, I’d like to think that I will give any child of mine a chance of havinf a decent father.

Some may be of the opinion that the sole basis of my recent choices of men to date has been the sizzle factor.  However, I would think that the choice of father/ life partner/ husband should have more of a sound basis. For instance common values, honesty, trustworthiness and a sense of responsibility.

I do not want to end up as another statistic – a baby mother with a wasteman for a babydaddy.

To all concerned friends and families of women like me who have tried to be good throughout their formative years, and as a result don’t have kids…

Please don’t pass judgement. There could be a number of reasons for this, but it does not mean that we are fighting not to have kids.

Please don’t ask me why I don’t have kids.  This is a very personal question and you’ll be met by one of the following responses:

1. Still got time, that 66 year old woman is giving me hope
2. I’m not gonna have kids, I’m gonna have 20 cats

Don’t look at us with sympathy.  I know I’m cool with my current situation.

Ironic

It’s ironic, a lot of my friends have suggested I write a book/ blog – under an assumed name regarding various aspects of my life including my dating experiences.

Obviously, I have been doing this but I have only told a couple of my friends, as I would not want people to have a bad impression of me.

For instance one of my sisters asked me why I have gone on dates with a variety of guys.  I had to clarify with her that when I’ve gone on dates it has purely been about meeting up , possibly for food, drink or some other activity, with the date ending ending with a kiss on the cheek at best. She didn’t seem to understand, so it got me thinking if I was to state each time I dated to my friends and family, they might become concerned.

Consequently, I have decided to maintain this blogging malarkey.  The only problem now is that  I need to maintain my unpadtes as there is a lot of dating material to get through.

Please let me know if you want me to continue.

Music Sounds Better Than You

Once again, a lot has happened  since my last post, as well as since January.

I hope I will be able to tell you all about my shenanigans, but I will obviously start from where my last post ended.

I started seeing Music Man in October.  As per usual it just happened, as I had known him for years after falling in lust at first sight with him and one of his friends over 10 years ago, when they were performing poetry at a university event.

In fact, it had kind of been a long standing joke that Music Man liked me, and that he would one day get a piece of the action.  However, nothing had come off this attraction as either one of us had always been unattainable.

So what changed? He asked me to come to watch him perform as he was now the lead singer of a band.  Seeing him on stage was amazing as he really owned it. I had gone to watch him with one of my friends, but I allowed them to leave me, as I hoped I would get dealt with that night.

Anyway to cut to the chase our friendship turned into something else that night and it was amazing.  In fact it felt completely right as our bodies seemed to be completely in synch.  Furthermore, we could talk for hours and he seemed to understand where I was at.

The following weeks were a haze as we continued to spend time together.  Meeting in 4* hotels in Paddington, Euston and Kings Cross and making trips to my flat out of London. Each time we met was just as amazing, so it may come as a surprise to know that we aren’t together anymore considering how perfect it seemed.

Music Man had some flaws, in fact the charismatic blase attitude that I had fallen for was also the thing that I knew would wind me up in the long run.

Facebook and Dating…How not to turn into a bunny boiler

Facebook logo

Since becoming single I have become a Facebook addict, becoming a dab hand at using applications.  This is the reason why I thought I would talk about Facebook on this forum.

It dawned on me this weekend that I had been dating someone who I had indicated was attractive on the Sparkey/ Chainn app when his picture popped up, earlier this year.  Obviously as I have lots of things going on it didn’t dawn on me that the guy I had anonymously said yes to ‘Would date’ was actually sitting next to me when I first met him in the flesh.

In fact it was Pretty Man and as I have indicated previously the guy looks so delicious I could eat him.  Since we started hanging out,  we became friends on Facebook and its tempting to check his profile to see if there are any flirtations on his wall.  Especially as he is still not my man and I may seek to justify why his interest in me does not seem as keen as it was when we first met.

The main thing that stops me however is that any reader of my blog will know that Pretty Man is not the only guy I have been seeing so if he is anything like me, any flirtations with potential relationship contenders would not be taking place on the public wall.  This is not only because:

1. it is visible to all visitors to my page, and
2. potentially sent to all my friends in the news feeds.

Real flirtations for me take place via facebook chat/ MSN or offline on the ancient contraption called the phone. With the phone and IM you can see if someone has instant wit and charm, as well as whether they understand me.

As I have got this sense of perspective I hope I won’t turn into a bunny boler for Pretty Man or anyone else that I may meet…via Facebook or in the real world.