Happy Birthday

It was my birthday a couple of days ago. As always I look forward to becoming a year older.

However, as I am definitely too old to go on a Club 18-30 holiday, it has resulted in family and close acquaintances passing comment on the use by date of my womb, etc.

Take for example a conversation I had with a male friend, who also happens to be going out with one of my closest friends/ cousins on the eve of my birthday.

It went along the lines of this:

“Akua, you realise you’re not getting any younger?”

“I know, I’m gonna be 31.”

“So I take it you’re gonna have a baby by your next birthday”

“I don’t have a man”

“Well you’ve got until September to find a man to get pregnagt with.  I mean aren’t you getting broody.”

Now when did this type of conversation become the norm in polite society. I spent my late teens being held up as an example to those whose children had had babies soon after their GCSEs.

My early 20s were all about university and the rest of my 20s were devoted to finding myself and establishing a career.  All the time ensuring that I made my parents proud.

Now I’m 31, and it seems that the past 11 years or so count for nothing. As supposedly a woman’s role in society is to get educated, have a career and then push out babies as a way of ensuring that she is keeping up with the Joneses.

This is not to say that I don’t want a family of my own.  Relatively speaking I’m sure its easy to get pregnant with any Tom, Dick or Harry.  However, I’d like to think that I will give any child of mine a chance of havinf a decent father.

Some may be of the opinion that the sole basis of my recent choices of men to date has been the sizzle factor.  However, I would think that the choice of father/ life partner/ husband should have more of a sound basis. For instance common values, honesty, trustworthiness and a sense of responsibility.

I do not want to end up as another statistic – a baby mother with a wasteman for a babydaddy.

To all concerned friends and families of women like me who have tried to be good throughout their formative years, and as a result don’t have kids…

Please don’t pass judgement. There could be a number of reasons for this, but it does not mean that we are fighting not to have kids.

Please don’t ask me why I don’t have kids.  This is a very personal question and you’ll be met by one of the following responses:

1. Still got time, that 66 year old woman is giving me hope
2. I’m not gonna have kids, I’m gonna have 20 cats

Don’t look at us with sympathy.  I know I’m cool with my current situation.

Here I Am

arrows

Apologies for the delay in getting back to this. My life has been pretty hectic. I’ve been on holiday, found a new job and had a couple of car accidents but as Rick Ross would say “here I am”.

My week on the other side of the pond in Hotlanta was a real eye opener to say the least. The stats were startling, the female to male ratio is allegedly 4:1 which means that it is seriously a Dog Eat Dog world. From what I could gather men seemed to expect women to do the chasing which is still quite alien to me.

This is not to say that I was not approached, but the manner in which this was done was completely different to London. This could be down to good old Southern Hospitality. Another thing I found interesting was that on telling a guy that you’re not interested they backed off without taking offence.

Alongside meeting a new set of people who were on the whole very progressive, the time away gave me time to reflect on my life back home. Whilst in a relationship I had moved out to a commuter town not too far from London in some respects, whilst in other ways it might as well have been another time zone. Atlanta showed me that there really is life outside the M25 and has also opened me up to the possibility of relocating to another major city.

Any way we’ll see what happens

Be Happy

As the Queen of Hip Hop/ R& B famously sung:

All I really want
is to be happy
And to find a love that’s mine
It would be so sweet

The reason why this springs to mind is that since I reentered the singles market I have kept myself really busy by having several dates a week with several people. On the whole they have been fun as I may, or may not be, as is often the case close to the centre of attention. However, when I have to spend any length of time by myself I start to panic and realise that I’m not completely happy with the current hand that life has dealt me.

Will my dating result in finding that Special Someone who’s all mine or will I have to settle for second best.

The Original FB is still around. Our relationship is still pretty much based on our Wednesday night visit, except I didn’t see him this week, but should be seeing him tonight…if I go out raving. He still has commitment issues which is cool with me at the moment but then I also have my needy moments and would like to know that I don’t have to wait a whole week to see him.

Pretty Man is still on the scene. I do really like him but I have handled the situation all wrong as I for want of a phrase “freed up” too soon. I couldn’t help it as I fancy the pants off him and I was overcome by the moment. This was done without having a conversation to establish what we both wanted, but as per usual it seems that it will never get beyond the booty call. I am still trying to go out on our first date.

I have also been on a date with a guy I will call Toy Boy.  Will see how that progresses.  Can’t be any worse than Peter who has claimed that he misses me… or my skills.

I will finish as I started, all I really want is to be happy.

Freak Like Me

“What’s the freakiest thing you’ve ever done?”

One of the most loaded questions a guy can ask me.  I have often wondered what they really want to hear.  In addition, what is the definition of a freak.

My usual response is what you may consider freaky may actually be normal to others,  as I try to skirt around the issue.

Were I to respond by saying that I had participated in a number of threesomes.  Alternatively I could say that I had done it with the lights on.  Would either satisfy their curiosity or have them running scared?  During all the years of being active, this is a question I have raised many times with my inner consciousness.  I have walked the tightrope of trying to be as honest as I can be about myself without scaring a prospective partner off.  I’ve also attempted to turn the tables on the questioner to gauge a better understanding of where they are.  Time after time I am left with the response:

“don’t answer a question with a question”

Now this response is a cop out by the original questioner.

It has led me to ask myself why I’ve done certain things and have come to the conclusion that it is all  down to the sizzle factor you have with an individual as well as how much you may trust them.  In addition, it also depends on whether you want to settle down with the guy in question or just kick it for fun.

I would say to any guy though…don’t ask the question if you can’t answer it yourself.

Busted

Peter has had to be dumped into the bin. However unlike other guys he will be going straight to the incinerator as I can’t allow myself to even contemplate visiting the cess pit that he has come to reside. You may be wondering why I have confined him to such a fate. The reason for this is that he attempted to commit as cardinal sin and got found out. He tried to get with one of my best friends.

It wouldn’t have been so bad but his excuses were that:

1. I didn’t know she was your friend. He must have amnesia as I introduced them to each other.
2. How did I come up in conversation. You have to remember that Peter wanted it to be kept on the downlow (as R Kelly has so sweetly sung about).
3. It’s only food. Can’t I eat. (This is not a euphemism for something else…he had invited her out for breakfast
4. I know you are seeing other guys. I did not dispute this but none of these guys are his friends and I had not hidden the fact I was dating other people from him.

Now I have to ask was I out of order for telling him that we were through? He seemed truly surprised and has asked me on numerous occasions since he was caught whether e could hook up. I swear I must have been called fool at birth if he thinks I’ll go there again.

On confronting my friend who had been talking to him, I said she’s welcome to him. She told me he doesn’t want my left overs and has proceeded to take a break from our friendship.

He’s still trying to redeem himself but it is truly finished.

Postscript

A cousin of mine asked me if th only reason I was upset was because I liked him more than I thought.  The truth is that I can’t answer that question as I was fully aware of his flaws, but we had got to know each other quite well.  Or as well as you can know a person you’ve been seeing for a three or so months. Was it because it felt like rejection again  as well as being made to feel like an idiot.  Well I guess I’ll never know…It was fun whilst it lasted.