It was my birthday a couple of days ago. As always I look forward to becoming a year older.
However, as I am definitely too old to go on a Club 18-30 holiday, it has resulted in family and close acquaintances passing comment on the use by date of my womb, etc.
Take for example a conversation I had with a male friend, who also happens to be going out with one of my closest friends/ cousins on the eve of my birthday.
It went along the lines of this:
“Akua, you realise you’re not getting any younger?”
“I know, I’m gonna be 31.”
“So I take it you’re gonna have a baby by your next birthday”
“I don’t have a man”
“Well you’ve got until September to find a man to get pregnagt with. I mean aren’t you getting broody.”
Now when did this type of conversation become the norm in polite society. I spent my late teens being held up as an example to those whose children had had babies soon after their GCSEs.
My early 20s were all about university and the rest of my 20s were devoted to finding myself and establishing a career. All the time ensuring that I made my parents proud.
Now I’m 31, and it seems that the past 11 years or so count for nothing. As supposedly a woman’s role in society is to get educated, have a career and then push out babies as a way of ensuring that she is keeping up with the Joneses.
This is not to say that I don’t want a family of my own. Relatively speaking I’m sure its easy to get pregnant with any Tom, Dick or Harry. However, I’d like to think that I will give any child of mine a chance of havinf a decent father.
Some may be of the opinion that the sole basis of my recent choices of men to date has been the sizzle factor. However, I would think that the choice of father/ life partner/ husband should have more of a sound basis. For instance common values, honesty, trustworthiness and a sense of responsibility.
I do not want to end up as another statistic – a baby mother with a wasteman for a babydaddy.
To all concerned friends and families of women like me who have tried to be good throughout their formative years, and as a result don’t have kids…
Please don’t pass judgement. There could be a number of reasons for this, but it does not mean that we are fighting not to have kids.
Please don’t ask me why I don’t have kids. This is a very personal question and you’ll be met by one of the following responses:
- Still got time, that 66 year old woman is giving me hope
- I’m not gonna have kids, I’m gonna have 20 cats
Don’t look at us with sympathy. I know I’m cool with my current situation.
