L Plate
Apologies for the lul in my blogging. I cannot believe it is coming towards the end of the year. Hopefully next year’s blog entries will occur more frequently. However, in the meantime I need to put finger to keyboard and share some of my recent experiences from the latter part of 2009.
During the summer I dated a guy that caused me to do a few things for the first time.
Firstly he is six years younger than me. To me this was not a major obstacle at first, as I have friends of all ages. However, as I spent more time with him it became obvious that we wanted different things from our realtionship. He was definitely in it for the experience (this will be returned to later). Whilst I want commitment etc etc as I think there is only so much no-strings fun a person can have before it becomes boring. In addition, I had also assessed other aspects of my life that I needed to get into order (work, finances and hopefully moving up the next rung on the property ladder), and felt that the next man in my life needed to be supportive whilst I sought to achieve these aspirations.
Secondly he was that he was the first non-black guy I’ve contemplated going on a date with and actually followed through. This for me was a bigger mind leap. Despite going to a school where I was related to the majority of the black people in my school (my sisters), I had never dated anybody non-black. This was not to say that I had never been attracted to men that weren’t but I had always seen myself as one half of a black relationship. I had been involved in relationships with people from West Indian as well as other African backgrounds and had experienced a variety of problems as a result of cultural differences. However, despite this I had always felt that we had a shared experience as first or second generation Black British.
I did not let this get in the way however of what was an undeniable instant attraction between the two of us. There was a sizzle, which is why I ignored any misgivings about his age or race. I felt comfortable in his company for the most part. He made me laugh. He was ambitious and on paper he was perfect.
Going out on dates with my exotic toy boy made me realise that men, whatever the complexion, are pretty much the same. They all have the same expectations after you have been on a few dates. The lyrics used, as well as the games they play seem to be part of the DNA that separates the XX from the XY.
So why didn’t it work out for the two of us? I realised that despite being
Ultimately, as per usual perfect on paper did not mean he was right for me. He turned out to be immature. As I generally go out with men older than me, the mental leap of having to deal with someone I considered to be an overgrown teenager. The experience also made me realise that the blueprint I had drafted had to be altered as what I had been looking for in a man previously had not been necessarily right for me. It also made me question whether there was really such thing as a Mr Right as each time I met the person I thought could be the one he seemed to disappoint me in some way.
