Be Happy

As the Queen of Hip Hop/ R& B famously sung:

All I really want
is to be happy
And to find a love that’s mine
It would be so sweet

The reason why this springs to mind is that since I reentered the singles market I have kept myself really busy by having several dates a week with several people. On the whole they have been fun as I may, or may not be, as is often the case close to the centre of attention. However, when I have to spend any length of time by myself I start to panic and realise that I’m not completely happy with the current hand that life has dealt me.

Will my dating result in finding that Special Someone who’s all mine or will I have to settle for second best.

The Original FB is still around. Our relationship is still pretty much based on our Wednesday night visit, except I didn’t see him this week, but should be seeing him tonight…if I go out raving. He still has commitment issues which is cool with me at the moment but then I also have my needy moments and would like to know that I don’t have to wait a whole week to see him.

Pretty Man is still on the scene. I do really like him but I have handled the situation all wrong as I for want of a phrase “freed up” too soon. I couldn’t help it as I fancy the pants off him and I was overcome by the moment. This was done without having a conversation to establish what we both wanted, but as per usual it seems that it will never get beyond the booty call. I am still trying to go out on our first date.

I have also been on a date with a guy I will call Toy Boy.  Will see how that progresses.  Can’t be any worse than Peter who has claimed that he misses me… or my skills.

I will finish as I started, all I really want is to be happy.

Freak Like Me

“What’s the freakiest thing you’ve ever done?”

One of the most loaded questions a guy can ask me.  I have often wondered what they really want to hear.  In addition, what is the definition of a freak.

My usual response is what you may consider freaky may actually be normal to others,  as I try to skirt around the issue.

Were I to respond by saying that I had participated in a number of threesomes.  Alternatively I could say that I had done it with the lights on.  Would either satisfy their curiosity or have them running scared?  During all the years of being active, this is a question I have raised many times with my inner consciousness.  I have walked the tightrope of trying to be as honest as I can be about myself without scaring a prospective partner off.  I’ve also attempted to turn the tables on the questioner to gauge a better understanding of where they are.  Time after time I am left with the response:

“don’t answer a question with a question”

Now this response is a cop out by the original questioner.

It has led me to ask myself why I’ve done certain things and have come to the conclusion that it is all  down to the sizzle factor you have with an individual as well as how much you may trust them.  In addition, it also depends on whether you want to settle down with the guy in question or just kick it for fun.

I would say to any guy though…don’t ask the question if you can’t answer it yourself.

Busted

Peter has had to be dumped into the bin. However unlike other guys he will be going straight to the incinerator as I can’t allow myself to even contemplate visiting the cess pit that he has come to reside. You may be wondering why I have confined him to such a fate. The reason for this is that he attempted to commit as cardinal sin and got found out. He tried to get with one of my best friends.

It wouldn’t have been so bad but his excuses were that:

1. I didn’t know she was your friend. He must have amnesia as I introduced them to each other.
2. How did I come up in conversation. You have to remember that Peter wanted it to be kept on the downlow (as R Kelly has so sweetly sung about).
3. It’s only food. Can’t I eat. (This is not a euphemism for something else…he had invited her out for breakfast
4. I know you are seeing other guys. I did not dispute this but none of these guys are his friends and I had not hidden the fact I was dating other people from him.

Now I have to ask was I out of order for telling him that we were through? He seemed truly surprised and has asked me on numerous occasions since he was caught whether e could hook up. I swear I must have been called fool at birth if he thinks I’ll go there again.

On confronting my friend who had been talking to him, I said she’s welcome to him. She told me he doesn’t want my left overs and has proceeded to take a break from our friendship.

He’s still trying to redeem himself but it is truly finished.

Postscript

A cousin of mine asked me if th only reason I was upset was because I liked him more than I thought.  The truth is that I can’t answer that question as I was fully aware of his flaws, but we had got to know each other quite well.  Or as well as you can know a person you’ve been seeing for a three or so months. Was it because it felt like rejection again  as well as being made to feel like an idiot.  Well I guess I’ll never know…It was fun whilst it lasted.

Finding Mr Perfect

The past week or so since my last verbal download has once again been coloured with dates, as well as hanging out with my girls.

I’ve spent time with the Original FB. He’s now provided me with a copy of his weekly schedule due to the fact he has to split time between his football (playing) and his daughter. I was asked whether I believed that the only time he had available for me was on a Wednesday. It’s really surprising because I actually do. I don’t mind actually, as it gives me something to look forward to midweek. It’s not even always about the sex, as we are able to talk about a lot of things and the company is good.

I also went out with Peter. He has started to irritate me as our dates now seem to consist of going to Nandos. Not to say that I have anything against Nandos, but I do feel that if you are still trying to impress a girl maybe you shouldn’t complain about a £15 meal. I did not free up as I have come to the conclusion that if he can’t acknowledge me when I backed in a corner he should not reap the benefits of my acquaintance. He was not very impressed. But you know what who cares. I don’t. To be polite he was extracting the urine. I mean do I have a handle for arms and is my name mug? We do get on though which is important

Things seem to be going okay with Pretty Man. We will be hooking up at some point over the weekend. Will definitley be looking for signs as he seems lovely, but there must be a reason why he’s not been snapped up. As mentioned before he is absolutely gorgeous and good enough to eat. He is also extremely charming and polite. His voice is melodious when he speaks and I am still in a daze, nearly four weeks after meeting.

I was asked how I could like multiple people. Its really strange as they are all different. If all their positive constituent parts were combined I would have found myself the perfect man. If you find him though let me know.