To reuse, recycle or discard for good (2) – Digging in the bin.

I promised I would return to the issue of digging in the bin, and the merits of doing this.

Many of the discarded men have attempted to get back into my life. One of my good friends thinks that I am on a path to self destruction as I am talking to people that I decided were no good for me.

The current contents of the bin that are hoping to be reused are, in no particular order:

• “The One from my Ends” aka “Trouble” with a capital T. Even during my relationship he was a constant presence. Some would say like a bad smell. I was convinced we had got into the friend zone but I was mistaken. I have thought long and hard about why it didn’t work out between the two of us the first time around, and I realised that despite the obvious sizzle/ chemistry there is an obvious flaw to any plan… I swear he is a major fantasist. Booty calls with the premise that he is going away for a while. As can be seen there is no reason to revisit this. Drama would be the result.  Despite being sexy as hell it could be argued that he is an archetypical wasteman as the list of issues are too long to mention.  Result: Discard.
• “The Original FB”.  An FB for those that aren’t aware is a guy who seems content with a no strings relationship.  My FB is a guy I’ve known for years.  He was originally the rebound guy following the break up of a previous relationship.  He helped me through it, and is a great shoulder to lean on.  However, as some might say I can’t get it twisted – he is a major commitment phobe.  In all the years I’ve known him he has never had a serious girlfriend, just a series of links.  This is why he is in the bin.  Result: Reuse with potential for recycling.

I’m sure  more may resurface, they always do.  Just can’t think of them at the moment.

24 hours nearly as eventful as Jack Bauer’s

Last weekend (Friday night- Saturday night – 24 hours) have been quite eventful. As the title suggests it was nearly as eventful as Jack Bauer’s.

First of all I went to a colleague’s house for dinner on Friday. This was supposed to be purely platonic as it was supposed to be a response to a dinner I had at my house a few months ago, that involved a lot of people. When I turned up at his house I was surprised to discover that I was the only guest at the dinner. I couldn’t believe that I had not picked up on any vibes that he may have liked me. I was not left in any doubt when he started playing with my hair. I subtlely moved away from him as I thought I was misreading the situation… … until he attempted to kiss me. I had to ask him WTF he was doing. The rest of the evening went more smoothly. I was left wondering why I stopped myself. He is not unattractive, has a good job and a bit like Mr A- just not my type, I have tried to hook him up with my friends cos he’s really cool just not for me. Nothing has been said about this incident since, but its really strange.

Following on from that I went to one of my best friend’s 30th birthday meal on Saturday with much apprehension. I’d had a terrible day, having spent most of the day in hospital following a car accident. The evening was not that bad, as I had the pleasure of sitting next to a guy who my friends call Pretty Man. He is absolutely gorgeous. So gorgeous in fact that I was unable to concentrate on my food as even his tone and voice are beautiful. As a consequence I did something I have never done before. I asked him for his number and I’ve called him.

Fingers crossed, as I have decided that I am in lust. Apart from looks he is a really nice guy, well spoken and lovely manners and we seem to be able to talk easily.

Undercover Lover

As Smooth once sang, Undercover Lover Secret Affair etc etc.

Undercover Brother Film Poster

Now how am I supposed to react when a guy I am seeing wants to keep it on the downlow, as highlighted in another R&B classic. This is something I have asked my friends about as the guy I have been seeing for a while, who previously wouldn’t go down now appears to be concerned about my virtue and reputation.

For the purpose of this forum I am going to call him Peter, like the disciple that denied all knowledge, as on a number of occasions when asked if anything was going on between us denied. Now I have to say not banging my own trumpet that I am not an unattractive female, and I did ask him if I was an embarrassment to be seen in public with. His response was that “Nah, its not like you are a vampire girl”. Translated into English this means that he wouldn’t mind being seen with me in daylight. In fact he has pointed out on a number of occasions that I seem to :

1. Know a lot of guys
2. Attract a lot of attention

Now I need to know how to progress with this. How long is this undercover nonsense supposed to last.?

What does it mean exactly? Can he flirt with other girls in front of me?

I am not saying we need to get married, but why is it always the guy who insists on such nonsense. Even now I have mentioned that his friend asked about us to one of my best friends and he has taken the decision that he will act as if he doesn’t know me like that.

I am trying not to take baggage from my previous relationship, but I don’t buy the line that we need to keep it quiet as we have come out of relationships. Maybe I have idiot on my forehead, but I am trying to hear what he is and isn’t saying. He is now trying to flip it that I am trying to broadcast our thing which is not the case, but if a mutual friend asks what’s going on you’d say wouldn’t you.

To reuse, recycle or discard for good

My friends and I have a phrase for reacquainting oneself with a previously discarded conquest. This activity is collectively known as “digging in the bin”, as there was a reason why a relationship didn’t work out in the first place.

Digging in the bin should not be confused with the phenomenon of wastemen. Obviously any past relationships may have failed as a result of the other party displaying wasteman tendencies, but more than likely it just didn’t work out.

A wasteman has defined by one of my favourite Facebook groups is as follows:
1. 30 years old + but still living at home with mummy
2. Pretending his license has been revoked for 10 years, Hence NO CAR!
3. SCRUBS
4. Never gets the bill when eating out
5. Never takes you out!
6.Having More babies Than He Can Support.
7.Walking with a knife. (Should Be Number 1 really)

Another group defines this phenomenon as having the following characteristics:

1. Driving a brand new BMW M3 at 30 years old but still living at home with mummy
2. Being 20 years old and not in Uni college or work and neither is he trying to be
3. Being 20+ and still trying to be the number one MC on the back of the bus
4. When you been going out six months and the only place he has taken you out to eat is Burger King,
McDonalds, KFC, Dixies Chicken
5. Having numerous baby mothers, and his newest babies mother is one of his other babies mothers,
mother and he thinks that’s cool
6. Having a long story about why he don’t pay his child support, didn’t sign the babies birth certificate to avoid paying child support

I have been involved with guys that have for want of a better phrase been exposed to the syndrome, but have not got the full blown disease. Even now one of the guys I am seeing could potentially become a card carrying member of this infamous group, but this is another story.

Turning to the topic at hand, my singleton days have been peppered with my concern for the environment as I attempt to reuse or recycle previously discarded companions. The majority have been for the ego boost following my really bad break up on a kind of platonic tip. Obviously as we have had relations in the past my best friend would say that this is not platonic and can never be platonic in the future. However, as I tried to explain at the weekend to my girls previously revisited “companions”also provide me with the occasional fix that is needed as there is no reason for me to go cold turkey just because I am no longer in a long term relationship.

I had to explain the benefits of this habit that I thought I had grown out of at the turn of the Millennium, but I realised there is a method to my madness. I can maintain the image of waiting to see if I really check for any new prospects. In addition, guys can sense that your attentions aren’t necessarily devoted to them and they accordingly try to step up their game.

The downside to this type of activity is that after a few weeks of reacquainting yourself with someone previously discarded, the realisation of why they were dashed to kerb slowly returns. I swear I must suffer from amnesia as this has happened one too many times with a certain individual. He is the complete opposite of Mr A in the sense that I know if we got into something so deep that one of us could kill the other. Obviously not literally, but there is a lot of passion between me and for want of a better phrase “The One from My Ends”. He’s only a 10 minute drive away but his incessant booty calls can be quite infuriating, as a girl would like to sleep.

At least I have a temporary reprieve as he is away at the mo and it is giving me time to reflect on whether anything can be salvaged. If he is thrown away on his return I hope that I won’t succumb to his charm once again to repeat this cycle many years down the line.

The issue re wastemen will be returned to at a later date. In addition”ends” will also have to be looked at n more detail.