To weave or not to weave that is the question

I have been debating about whether to write this post as I didn’t want to cause offence.

I have met many men who are hair fascists as they claim they would never go out with a woman if she wore a weave. However does what I perceive to be merely an example of self expression really maketh the person.

When I wore a weave, granted it was only four tracks, I got the same amount of attention from a variety of men. People of all races. Now I’m not saying its the hair as this happens to me whether I have my hair in braids, relaxed or in a weave. The universal factor is that I receive attention when I walk the streets with confidence. If I’m having a don’t mess with me day as i feel awful, why would anyone approach me. Furthermore if someone is going to make assumptions on me based on my hair then don’t need it.

Mornings are the hardest

It’s been two years since I broke up with THE ex. Going to bed and waking up alone are definitely the hardest, as you don’t realise how much you take for granted the ability to role over and have a hug.

Do I miss my ex? Yes most definitely despite the fact in reality he was rarely there when I went to bed. However, I’m not saying I want to get back with him as he took the piss out of me and I definitely deserve better. Don’t get me wrong I have had quasi relationships since then. However regardless of the inital feelings of euphoria an emptiness has remained where he once filled my mind, body and soul.

I am hoping that the next man to enter my life will really be the one, as I feel I have done my time on the singles market. I am tired of meeting fools, and more importantly entertaining them. I am tired of the drama and what it entails as I can not believe that I have been sentenced to a lofe of eternal BS with waste man after waste man. I have finally managed to identify these boys in mens’ clothing. Its about time as it has taken me too long to come to this revelation.

So wish me luck for this next chapter on my journey, as it really shouldn’t be that difficult to find someone who also wants to give me hugs and kisses in the morning.

The first time

L Plate

Apologies for the lul in my blogging. I cannot believe it is coming towards the end of the year. Hopefully next year’s blog entries will occur more frequently. However, in the meantime I need to put finger to keyboard and share some of my recent experiences from the latter part of 2009.

During the summer I dated a guy that caused me to do a few things for the first time.

Firstly he is six years younger than me. To me this was not a major obstacle at first, as I have friends of all ages. However, as I spent more time with him it became obvious that we wanted different things from our realtionship. He was definitely in it for the experience (this will be returned to later). Whilst I want commitment etc etc as I think there is only so much no-strings fun a person can have before it becomes boring. In addition, I had also assessed other aspects of my life that I needed to get into order (work, finances and hopefully moving up the next rung on the property ladder), and felt that the next man in my life needed to be supportive whilst I sought to achieve these aspirations.

Secondly he was that he was the first non-black guy I’ve contemplated going on a date with and actually followed through. This for me was a bigger mind leap. Despite going to a school where I was related to the majority of the black people in my school (my sisters), I had never dated anybody non-black. This was not to say that I had never been attracted to men that weren’t but I had always seen myself as one half of a black relationship. I had been involved in relationships with people from West Indian as well as other African backgrounds and had experienced a variety of problems as a result of cultural differences. However, despite this I had always felt that we had a shared experience as first or second generation Black British.

I did not let this get in the way however of what was an undeniable instant attraction between the two of us. There was a sizzle, which is why I ignored any misgivings about his age or race. I felt comfortable in his company for the most part. He made me laugh. He was ambitious and on paper he was perfect.

Going out on dates with my exotic toy boy made me realise that men, whatever the complexion, are pretty much the same. They all have the same expectations after you have been on a few dates. The lyrics used, as well as the games they play seem to be part of the DNA that separates the XX from the XY.

So why didn’t it work out for the two of us? I realised that despite being

Ultimately, as per usual perfect on paper did not mean he was right for me. He turned out to be immature. As I generally go out with men older than me, the mental leap of having to deal with someone I considered to be an overgrown teenager. The experience also made me realise that the blueprint I had drafted had to be altered as what I had been looking for in a man previously had not been necessarily right for me. It also made me question whether there was really such thing as a Mr Right as each time I met the person I thought could be the one he seemed to disappoint me in some way.

Happy Birthday

It was my birthday a couple of days ago. As always I look forward to becoming a year older.

However, as I am definitely too old to go on a Club 18-30 holiday, it has resulted in family and close acquaintances passing comment on the use by date of my womb, etc.

Take for example a conversation I had with a male friend, who also happens to be going out with one of my closest friends/ cousins on the eve of my birthday.

It went along the lines of this:

“Akua, you realise you’re not getting any younger?”

“I know, I’m gonna be 31.”

“So I take it you’re gonna have a baby by your next birthday”

“I don’t have a man”

“Well you’ve got until September to find a man to get pregnagt with.  I mean aren’t you getting broody.”

Now when did this type of conversation become the norm in polite society. I spent my late teens being held up as an example to those whose children had had babies soon after their GCSEs.

My early 20s were all about university and the rest of my 20s were devoted to finding myself and establishing a career.  All the time ensuring that I made my parents proud.

Now I’m 31, and it seems that the past 11 years or so count for nothing. As supposedly a woman’s role in society is to get educated, have a career and then push out babies as a way of ensuring that she is keeping up with the Joneses.

This is not to say that I don’t want a family of my own.  Relatively speaking I’m sure its easy to get pregnant with any Tom, Dick or Harry.  However, I’d like to think that I will give any child of mine a chance of havinf a decent father.

Some may be of the opinion that the sole basis of my recent choices of men to date has been the sizzle factor.  However, I would think that the choice of father/ life partner/ husband should have more of a sound basis. For instance common values, honesty, trustworthiness and a sense of responsibility.

I do not want to end up as another statistic – a baby mother with a wasteman for a babydaddy.

To all concerned friends and families of women like me who have tried to be good throughout their formative years, and as a result don’t have kids…

Please don’t pass judgement. There could be a number of reasons for this, but it does not mean that we are fighting not to have kids.

Please don’t ask me why I don’t have kids.  This is a very personal question and you’ll be met by one of the following responses:

1. Still got time, that 66 year old woman is giving me hope
2. I’m not gonna have kids, I’m gonna have 20 cats

Don’t look at us with sympathy.  I know I’m cool with my current situation.

Ironic

It’s ironic, a lot of my friends have suggested I write a book/ blog – under an assumed name regarding various aspects of my life including my dating experiences.

Obviously, I have been doing this but I have only told a couple of my friends, as I would not want people to have a bad impression of me.

For instance one of my sisters asked me why I have gone on dates with a variety of guys.  I had to clarify with her that when I’ve gone on dates it has purely been about meeting up , possibly for food, drink or some other activity, with the date ending ending with a kiss on the cheek at best. She didn’t seem to understand, so it got me thinking if I was to state each time I dated to my friends and family, they might become concerned.

Consequently, I have decided to maintain this blogging malarkey.  The only problem now is that  I need to maintain my unpadtes as there is a lot of dating material to get through.

Please let me know if you want me to continue.